Petition to elevate Dennard Summers to Sainthood

[Rootbeer]

Crowds flock to newest Catholic saint in Assisi — a millennial teen whose ordinariness is the draw

Apparently this generation of kids needs a saint they can understand. So the Church picked a kid who died from leukemia 19 years ago? Huungh? Kids can't relate to death by leukemia. That's just silly. Nobody wants to understand what it's like to have your own blood kill you. Young people are seeking a relatable being to elevate to the right hand of God? Well, I have the solution.

I hereby petition the Holy See and his merry men to elevate our departed fliend, Scritti Politti to Sainthood. Young people can relate to Dennard. He died around the same time as the leukemia kid so he's relevant to twenty-somethings battling the challenge of having nothing good to watch on Netflix.

Cause of death couldn't be more relevant if we scripted it. Dennard passed after a prolonged battle with drearym combined with rapid onset ennui. THAT is a cause of death Zellennials can understand.

When you're afraid to learn how to drive and resign yourself to a life of bus passes, the spirit of Dennard will sit with you on that urine stained seat.

When you can't get a $250,000/year job with an art degree from PSU, pray to Dennard. Maybe he'll grant you an hour a week on public access channel 427.

When the laundry is due and the things must be done, Dennard is by your side.

When 70K drunk Steelers fans are doing the things they do, Dennard will see you through.






Please sign the petition below. We can do this.

[bungle clone]

First of all, I see my effort to run you, in the vicious manner of poptart, failed. Pepsi Girl no longer wards you off unfortunately. Drat.




I was hoping that was an Onion article you linked. Sadly, no.

I'm sorry that Cuda was so broken up by Denn's passing. Seemed to take it harder than... something to do with a bike rack collision or sumpin' I dunno.

Denm's 'invisible girls' magnum opus is inspiring... if you're a weirdo. Sorry if I'm being callous but I just don't see how he had much education from his posting, so, an art degree seemed like a bit of CV padding on his part. No sign of intellectual bearing. At all. What there was in terms of mental presence that I could discern amounted little more than a petulant wannabe sophisto suffering from main character syndrome, but who is really just a borderline NPC.

One may object that I'm wasting too many keystrokes on such a negligible persona as that, but what is really the case is that the surrounding phenomenon of busting on him had/has a life of its own.

In his case, to """honor""" Denn is to clown him mercilessly in death, as in life.


So... as far as being relatable to the yutes of our day, just recall that when someone asked him point blank if he's a homo, he refused to answer on the grounds that it's "personal". THe current fad has young folk screaming their kink out loud to all who will listen and especially to those who don't want to even hear about it.

as far as repping the Steelers in the TNW NFL forum, he showed up. Whined whenever they lost. In the music forum he said something about modest mouse once, and DMIke said he likes it when new characters are introduced.

I wonder what raver girl actually thought of the goon.

[88BuckeyeGrad]

I'm down for St. Scritti. It has a good ring to it. Would a holiday come soon thereafter? A day of malaise?

[mvscal]

Cuda was so broken

It was a tragedy. Cuda was a testicular straphanger par excellence. Would there even have been a Team Nutsack without Cuda? He kept things straight and always delivered in the end.

[bungle clone]

It was a tragedy. Cuda was a testicular straphanger par excellence.

Would there even have been a Team Nutsack without Cuda? He kept things straight and always delivered in the end.

Once, VALVENIS received a handful of racks for having a take that didn't present an overly descriptive anatomical account of male-male action. He wrote something factual that refuted an index post that moaned about how all of the fighting on the ground in Vietnam was done by black soldiers, who got none of the glory, and the war effort was abandoned because the white administration and general public didn't care about black heroism. Anyway the accolades moved VALVENIS to give something of an acceptance speech, where he listed all the members of his supporting cast (which he later renamed "Team Truth and Honesty") to issue gratitude. He began with Elgrandepeehole, giving him the title of "First Rider in Team Nutsack". The other nics he thanked were obvious piece of sh*t trolls he hid behind to prop himself with.

Cementing this incident in my memory as yet another one of great hilarity, and the kind of thing that kept me addicted to these boards all this time, was that he gave no mention to Cuda, despite his thread upon thread of service.

[Diego in Seattle]

It was a tragedy. Cuda was a testicular straphanger par excellence.

Would there even have been a Team Nutsack without Cuda? He kept things straight and always delivered in the end.

Once, VALVENIS received a handful of racks for having a take that didn't present an overly descriptive anatomical account of male-male action. He wrote something factual that refuted an index post that moaned about how all of the fighting on the ground in Vietnam was done by black soldiers, who got none of the glory, and the war effort was abandoned because the white administration and general public didn't care about black heroism. Anyway the accolades moved VALVENIS to give something of an acceptance speech, where he listed all the members of his supporting cast (which he later renamed "Team Truth and Honesty") to issue gratitude. He began with Elgrandepeehole, giving him the title of "First Rider in Team Nutsack". The other nics he thanked were obvious piece of sh*t trolls he hid behind to prop himself with.

Cementing this incident in my memory as yet another one of great hilarity, and the kind of thing that kept me addicted to these boards all this time, was that he gave no mention to Cuda, despite his thread upon thread of service.

Fvck Valvenis!

Sin,
Terry in Crapchester

[Jesus H Christ]

If you guys are serious about this petition you’d better get it submitted pretty soon. I’m due to leave for a while on May 29.

[bungle clone]

rack

[Sudden Sam]

It was a tragedy. Cuda was a testicular straphanger par excellence.

Would there even have been a Team Nutsack without Cuda? He kept things straight and always delivered in the end.

Once, VALVENIS received a handful of racks for having a take that didn't present an overly descriptive anatomical account of male-male action. He wrote something factual that refuted an index post that moaned about how all of the fighting on the ground in Vietnam was done by black soldiers, who got none of the glory, and the war effort was abandoned because the white administration and general public didn't care about black heroism. Anyway the accolades moved VALVENIS to give something of an acceptance speech, where he listed all the members of his supporting cast (which he later renamed "Team Truth and Honesty") to issue gratitude. He began with Elgrandepeehole, giving him the title of "First Rider in Team Nutsack". The other nics he thanked were obvious piece of sh*t trolls he hid behind to prop himself with.

Cementing this incident in my memory as yet another one of great hilarity, and the kind of thing that kept me addicted to these boards all this time, was that he gave no mention to Cuda, despite his thread upon thread of service.

Damn. Names from the past. Nice.

[bungle clone]

glad you suss!