Doug got fired

[Luther]

I fired Doug.

I'm no Donald Trump and well, I don't axe people that well. It isn't that I can't terminate people, but I just don't have anything I can terminate them from. I'm a retired guy so I'm not coming into this argument from a strong point.

I had to fire Doug, my neighbor. He's the guy who lives directly behind me...kitty corner from the Autistic group home and even further from that asshole dog, Brody. Doug got fired from my friendship log about two weeks ago. Most of you would like Doug as he's just one of those types like Cousin Eddy. Doug retired from the Fire Department last year and is living the life like me. The story I'm about to tell you is akin' to an episode from Desperate Housewives.

Doug and I decided during the winter that we should do our morning walks together. Since we had no job to go to, we thought it would be cool if we did some walking for exercise. I was down with the plan and we started going every morning. We'd leave at 0900...walk south toward Gladstone, pass the High School football field, cruise by a few small town dentist offices, the post office and the local pub. Walk a hundred yards further and we'd be at the north bank of the Clackamas River. Reverse...and go back north.

Doug came down with Bell's Palsy a few months ago and the left side of his face looks like it is going to slide off. It is slowly getting better tho...very odd thing to get. Boom...you wake up one day, your tongue is numb and your cheek has slide off your face. Anyway...

We'd stop at the "Happy Rock Coffee Shop"...(see the connection?...Gladstone...Happy Rock /?) They always have great fresh coffee...I loved the stuff. Mostly organic stuff with odd names like Che Guevara Gold, or Hanoi Jane's, or Odenfodder. I really like the Odenfodder.

Anyway, Doug has a problem with motorists. He doesn't care for people who drive cars, that show up at any intersection that he's walking through. I remember when I first "caught" his mental dilemma when he wagged his finger at this pickup when we crossed SE Jennings. I walked through the crosswalk with no problem, but then I heard the sound of an engine roaring while it was stopped...I looked up and saw the face of this guy in this beefy Ford PU and he was in high rev...and he was looking at Doug...my walking buddy. As we got to the opposite side of the street we heard the cars drive by...the Pu was basically going pedal to the metal. I remember Doug doing the finger wave at the guy...not a flip the bird wave, but a wave like you'd do to your kid as if he did something wrong.

Doug pissed this guy off.

I let it go. Oh I heard Doug's story...he claims the guy "Almost hit us" bullshit. I wasn't into any confrontation when I walk for relaxation. I'm a retired guy...I don't want to fight anybody...I've done all of it before and I'm just trying to enjoy the twilight years.

Doug basically fucked up this plan, ...until I fired him.

We are walking past the high school, on a side street, but approaching a major street in Gladstone. Bwahahha. Picture Mayberry, RFD. Anyway, I cut across and Doug is behind me. I'm on the other sidewalk, but Doug is lagging behind for some reason. Next thing I know is I hear the sound of cheap tires screeching to a halt. A big MOFO gets out of the car and advances on Doug, while screaming, "I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF."

In the matter of 3.22 seconds I deduced the following. Yes, being a trained professional, I came to this conclusion:

Doug probably flipped the guy off.
The guy in the car has biceps bigger than my thigh.

I got between them as peacemaker.
---I do not relish confrontations after I quit my job. I have had enough of fights and shit and I'm just happy to collect the fooking pension check in the mailbox. So...I had to fire Doug. I was able to keep the guy from killing Doug, but this guy was still pissed. When I had my forearm on his chest I could tell this big boy was strong. Dude was way stronger than either Doug or I. This was Johnny small brain and he probably was a hod carrier or something.

Doug looked at me like I was Joe Torre and he was some stud. He'd been told he was done and well, he was stunned. I left him with, "Look Doug, ...I walk for exercise and fun. But with you and your anal problem with any motorized vehicle that come within sight of us will cause you a problem. You walk by yourself, and I'll walk by myself. In doing this Doug I won't have to ninja anybody or even rationalize whether I should be packing some mm or not. I want to be anonymous, Doug."

Our normal walk took 2 hours to complete. Since I fired Doug, I've had to resort to the AM/FM portable radio deal. I'm stressed trying to move from either Rush Limbaugh and the ever fading sports network. At some point during the walk I get Romey, but he is still gay. JFC, the guy still sucks up to the names doesn't he? I was fighting some Spanish radio channel that was bleeding over...but I didn't care or even change it. I just turned the thing off, much like I do when I surf.

So here I am...trying to live the retired life, without Doug and his finger.

Rip City

[Sirfindafold]

who gives a fuck?

[BSmack]

[quote="Luther]This was Johnny small brain and he probably was a hod carrier or something[/quote]

Beautiful stuff Luth. Just one question. What's a "hod carrier"?

[Jay in Phoenix]

who gives a fuck?

About you hitting 'submit'? Not a fucking person.

What we care about is you hitting the X.


BTW -- nice story Luth. Doug got what he had coming.

[RumpleForeskin]

Get an ipod, Luth. AM radio sucks nowadays.

[Luther]

Jay, a hod carrier or hoddy is a laborer who hauls all the brick, supplies, mortar mud shit for the brick mason. Typically it is just the newer guy, probably with little or no formal training, with a company who gets the job of hauling all the heavy stuff. A hoddy is valued for his strength not his brain power.

Doug is 51 or 52. Yeah, an old fuck for sure. Oh I'll still bullshit with the guy as our backyards butt up to each other. Plus Doug is on my flank and his verbal blasts toward the Tard home are still of value. Doug was the guy in that story I did a few years ago, where I saw Doug laying prone on his second floor deck, dressed in dark clothing and firing a BB gun at this other barking dog...at 4 in the morning. The dog this time (has since died) was about a 30 yards away and the shot had to be made through tree limbs etc. Dougs shots were striking the dogs ass. BARK BARK BARK PFFFFFTTTT YELP. Then a minute of quiet then BARK BARK BARK PFFFTTTT YELP. The pfffttt is the muffled metallic sound of a BB racing down the barrel of a BB gun. Good old Ninja Doug.

Rip City

[Goober McTuber]

Great story, Luther. BTW, I got this right away:

We'd stop at the "Happy Rock Coffee Shop"...(see the connection?...Gladstone...Happy Rock /?)

A buddy of mine’s mother is named Gladys. He calls her "Happy Hinder".

[Smackie Chan]

I don't axe people that well.

So? Axe me if I care.

I really like the Odenfodder.

I prefer the Odenmudder, but that's just because I'm not homosexual.

[Dinsdale]

(see the connection?...Gladstone...Happy Rock /?)

I'm both young enough and old enough to know where the nickname comes from -- it was brought into the local lexicon on the Ramblin Rod Show, a fixture amongst the youth of Rip City for over a generation. "Happt Rock" predates "Rip City," actually.

RACK Rod Anders(RIP).

RACK The Smile Contest.

RACK the walk-behind boat(wonder what happened to that piece of local history?)

RACK Pop Shoppe Pop(did they have Pop Shoppes in other places?)



Hell, Ramblin Rod has a Wikipedia entry -- he must be the man. The article even points out that while some speculate that Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons was based on Ramblin Rod, Goening claims it was based on the other local clown, Rusty Nails... who I saw a bunch of times at the grocery store as a kiddie. Got to ride in the killer clown car with all the buttons on the dash that the kids got to press with impunity, and got a bunch of balloon animals that didn't really look like anything.


And fuck all those overachieving little brats that used to rig the Easter Coloring Contest by gluing cotton balls tails to their drawings and shit. Hell, I couldn't even keep the magenta crayon in the lines, and these little punks are using 3-D sculpture... bunch of little pricks, cheating me out of my rightful case of Pop Shoppe. And when I did go on Ramblin Rod a couple of times, I always sat next to my neighbor, who was a year or two younger than me, and was apparently "precious." Little fucker won the Smile Contest every time we went, and so I was always the loser who had to scoot over so Ramblin Rod could sit next to him and "interview" him, which amounted to "HI, my name is David," while I was the also-ran sitting in Rod's shadow. Obviously the root of my psychologial damage. In case you're reading this -- fuck you, David Kludas... I can still kick your ass, so let's see you smile after that. You owe me a few cases of Pop Shoppe, you little asshole.

[quacker backer]

wow Dinsie...you need to get back on the meds....

by the way
Pop Shoppe was the bomb

[Dinsdale]

wow Dinsie...you need to get back on the meds....

David? Is that you?



And Pop Shoppe kinda sucked, but what it lacked in quality, it made up for in quantity -- you got a case of the shit for like a buck and a half.

[Goober McTuber]

And fuck all those overachieving little brats that used to rig the Easter Coloring Contest by gluing cotton balls tails to their drawings and shit. Hell, I couldn't even keep the magenta crayon in the lines, and these little punks are using 3-D sculpture... bunch of little pricks, cheating me out of my rightful case of Pop Shoppe. And when I did go on Ramblin Rod a couple of times, I always sat next to my neighbor, who was a year or two younger than me, and was apparently "precious." Little fucker won the Smile Contest every time we went, and so I was always the loser who had to scoot over so Ramblin Rod could sit next to him and "interview" him, which amounted to "HI, my name is David," while I was the also-ran sitting in Rod's shadow. Obviously the root of my psychologial damage.

Yes, that and the accompanying damage to your self of steam. All of which contributed to your inability to pull cheerleader tail later in life. Obviously you’re now suffering from Coulrophobia.

[Luther]

Alright, I went and pulled up this Ramblin' Rod show photo and labeled them A thru F. These are the potential Dinsdale faces as a young man. That is Dins on the right as a grown man. I suspect it has to be either C,D or E. I'm going with D as he has the "look."

Does everybody agree? I suspect Dins will say he is "A" as he's standing next to the hottie with the pig tails.

Rip City

*edit: I just realized that I just hijacked my own thread.

[RumpleForeskin]

Yes, that and the accompanying damage to your self of steam

Yes, 'cus that is much worse than damaging his self-esteem.

I guess if Dins could color inside the lines, he would be in like flint according to you.

[Smackie Chan]

Yes, that and the accompanying damage to your self of steam

Yes, 'cus that is much worse than damaging his self-esteem.

I guess if Dins could color inside the lines, he would be in like flint according to you.

You're new here, so it's understandable that you don't yet understand that self-esteem only applies to real life.

[Dinsdale]

I suspect Dins will say he is "A" as he's standing next to the hottie with the pig tails.

Of course.

Actually, on one of the previous boards, I posted a link to pics of an event I attended, and told the viewers that while I wouldn't reveal my identity, there was a huge hint which one was me. No one picked up on the fact that it was a guys-thing event, and there was only one chick in any of the pics(she was looking to get laid at the "awards presentation" afterwards), and I was the dude she was hanging on*. And nobody picked up on the "there's one huge clue."

I amused myself quite a bit with that one.



* -- but her friend was much better looking, so I switched allegiances later in the evening, once they were getting competitive for the dick and stuff. I'd offer up advice for the losers T1B posters of thr world, but "pitting one bitch against her better looking friend for maximum pussy benefit is pretty advanced stuff, and the T1B crowd seems to have trouble with the basics. You gotta walk before you can run.

[RumpleForeskin]

Well, ironically enough I saw this dropped in a nut thread a while back and the poster who used it was a equivalent to a KC tard. I had reservations of pointing it out considering that it was probably posted incorrectly on purpose, but its Goob and I had to take a shot. Anyone else and I would have thought otherwise.

My bad.

[Goober McTuber]

Rumpledshitforbrains,

What’s ironic is that a paste-eater like you would try to correct anyone, considering what a complete and total fucktard you are. From what I’ve seen of stucknut, a significant portion of that online community is a level below the KC tards, and you are somewhere below that.

Here’s an idea. Whenever you see a thread here that’s even mildly entertaining, keep the fuck out of it.

[RumpleForeskin]

Okay, I won't take this any further out of respect for Luther.

Congrats, Goob. Eternal Scobode you have on me. Let the chest pounding commence.

[ChargerMike]

"Doug is 51 or 52. Yeah, an old fuck for sure"...not funny Luth!


BTW... I'll go with ? .. He just has that confused look

[Goober McTuber]

Holy shit, Luther, how long have you had the photo of the guy on the right:



I remember that showing up on HØNKSVILLE 8 or 10 years ago.

[Mikey]

You mean Dins is even balder now?

[Dinsdale]

Big ups to Ramblin Rod for expressing himself with countless pieces of flair, though.

[Mikey]

"Doug is 51 or 52. Yeah, an old fuck for sure"...not funny Luth!

I'm approximately one of those two right now, and I'm feeling pretty damn old.

Fucking knee
Fucking hip
Fucking GI system from fucking top to bottom

(at least the wood still comes when I need it)

[ChargerMike]

"Doug is 51 or 52. Yeah, an old fuck for sure"...not funny Luth!

I'm approximately one of those two right now, and I'm feeling pretty damn old.

Fucking knee
Fucking hip
Fucking GI system from fucking top to bottom

(at least the wood still comes when I need it)

...bwa.. just wait Mikey..

you can add hemmies, enlarged prostate, loss of memory, balding (opps, I forgot..you already have that one covered..err uncovered), and yes...woodless is not too far off

[Mikey]

Somebody....just shoot me now and get it over with. Please.

:sad:

[velocet]

Okay, I won't take this any further out of respect for Luther.

Congrats, Goob. Eternal Scobode you have on me. Let the chest pounding commence.

So Rumple's efforts to find a niche here include serving up eternal sig material like the above? Interesting strategy, that.

I never thought I'd see the day when Hy Colonic would elicit from any smacker a post like Rumple's surrender.


Rumple, this board is an attempt to cultivate a sort of cyber dystopia where each member strives to be as accomplished a concentrated source of malevolence as possible. The only way to "fit in" is to bust out real smack as often and as viciously as possible.
Only a very few manage to stick around these boards posting as though they were chill chats (tomas at .net comes to mind).

Terry in Crapchester is catching shit in another thread (Hope you're all having a good summer) basically because he let his guard down. Well, that thread started out innocuously enough... look at the title and how the first few posts were all about a little shop talk and some conversation. Then outta nowhere the attacks commenced. Thing is, Terry has been one of the very best posters for over 7 years over at least three boards and yet he's not immune to what you see in that thread.

He's shown game for a long time, you've shown none for a short time; you see how a post of his might be received, do you think you'll fare better with your act?

Now, that said, don't get the idea that because we're all about mind to mind combat 'round here that all of us are just plain mean assholes. Running smack, being brutal, crude and personal in our exchanges, doesn't mean one has to embrace being a fukkin' all out asshole. That is a common misconception. Matter of fact the verrah best target of smack IS the consummate asshole.

But one thing at a time. Start smacking via general takes. Smack a public figure with humor and truth. Show no mercy in the take and don't worry about who will agree or not. Those things take care of themselves in the end; they have to since you're all about being merciless. Then be prepared to defend what you've posted in a way that will make any possible detractor cringe at the prospect of challenging you again. Rinse, repeat.




velocet

[RumpleForeskin]

Thanks for the advice, vel, but I am under the skool of thought that a good thread started by a good poster should be bestowed the respect by fellow posters to let his or her topic run its course for at least a page before the sideshows take over. I took a shot at Goobs and he dropped some insipid smack on me. I guess you can call me a puss for not taking a stance and letting others see where this goes, but I think the Old Coot's story about Doug which spawned a funny take by Dins was more entertaining then the likes of me and Goobs going at it for a few rounds with mostly fat wife smack coming from his end.

However, I do see that a lot in the threads here where little spats will brew up before a topic has reached its potential. Do as you please but I, on the other hand, will continue to give posters respect to their threads and I won't participate in the tard fights unless I feel it is absolutely necessary.

Also, I am trying to sit back and learn about who trolls more than not. The Biggio thread is a perfect example of a good, serious discussion about his HoF status only to be trolled by Dins and Toddowen with obvious obtuse takes on the subject. I wanted to jump in and respond quickly with a reactionary post, but instead I just stuck to the subject matter and didn't single out anyone.

I know that most of you think I am an idiot and that you usually just gloss over my posts no matter the content, but I will continue to post and take my knocks along the way. I said before that I really like it over here and will just add that I have enjoyed the Golf and Motorsports forums A LOT.

I am by no means at the level of most of you and do not pretend to be; its quite obvious the vernacular of most of the everyday posters here is far more superior than mine. I'll concede that much, but it won't dampen my spirits and my pursuit to gain your respect as a semi-decent poster.

[Jay in Phoenix]

RACK Pop Shoppe Pop(did they have Pop Shoppes in other places?)

In the mid-70's, a Pop Shoppe opened up on the west side of Phoenix. It was in this huge warehouse on Indian School Rd., and I remember them having about thirty or so different flavors of soda. If memory serves, you sort of rented these refillable, 24 per case cartons or crates. The shoppe didn't last more than ten years or so.

A sort of newer, upscale version of it exists in Scottsdale, with most of the original flavors still intact.

[Smackie Chan]

I am under the skool of thought

My advice: Don't panic, and conserve your oxygen. Someone may come along and dig you out from under it.

I won't participate in the tard fights unless I feel it is absolutely necessary.

What constitutes necessity? When all the other tards are on their backs with their fists raised skyward?

I know that most of you think I am an idiot

In much the same way we think water is wet. But give yourself credit - you've gone the extra mile to lay all the evidence on the table. Props to you for full and open disclosure.

my pursuit to gain your respect as a semi-decent poster.

Work on meeting achievable goals first, then dare to dream.

[ChargerMike]

Thanks for the advice, vel, but I am under the skool of thought that a good thread started by a good poster should be bestowed the respect by fellow posters to let his or her topic run its course for at least a page before the sideshows take over. I took a shot at Goobs and he dropped some insipid smack on me. I guess you can call me a puss for not taking a stance and letting others see where this goes, but I think the Old Coot's story about Doug which spawned a funny take by Dins was more entertaining then the likes of me and Goobs going at it for a few rounds with mostly fat wife smack coming from his end.

However, I do see that a lot in the threads here where little spats will brew up before a topic has reached its potential. Do as you please but I, on the other hand, will continue to give posters respect to their threads and I won't participate in the tard fights unless I feel it is absolutely necessary.

Also, I am trying to sit back and learn about who trolls more than not. The Biggio thread is a perfect example of a good, serious discussion about his HoF status only to be trolled by Dins and Toddowen with obvious obtuse takes on the subject. I wanted to jump in and respond quickly with a reactionary post, but instead I just stuck to the subject matter and didn't single out anyone.

I know that most of you think I am an idiot and that you usually just gloss over my posts no matter the content, but I will continue to post and take my knocks along the way. I said before that I really like it over here and will just add that I have enjoyed the Golf and Motorsports forums A LOT.

I am by no means at the level of most of you and do not pretend to be; its quite obvious the vernacular of most of the everyday posters here is far more superior than mine. I'll concede that much, but it won't dampen my spirits and my pursuit to gain your respect as a semi-decent poster.

....the idear here is to smack others Rumpy, but you seem to have a penchant for self inflicted damage...not to mention monumental sig material. I'd say take a few weeks off, read more, post less, maybe pick up a clue or two.

I will say, in capsulizing your above effort, it does reads quite accurately.

[Dinsdale]

RACK Pop Shoppe Pop(did they have Pop Shoppes in other places?)

In the mid-70's, a Pop Shoppe opened up on the west side of Phoenix. It was in this huge warehouse on Indian School Rd., and I remember them having about thirty or so different flavors of soda. If memory serves, you sort of rented these refillable, 24 per case cartons or crates.

That's the place. The one by me was at the Flying A gas station.

A sort of newer, upscale version of it exists in Scottsdale, with most of the original flavors still intact.

Oh, reeeealllly?

I wonder if they're going to open again around here. Shitty pop*, but it would be worth it for the nostalgia trip.


* -- Let the "pop" vs. "soda" debate commence

[Dinsdale]

Upon further review -- The Pop Shoppe was a canadian outfit...fuck them.

[Jay in Phoenix]

Oh, reeeealllly?

I wonder if they're going to open again around here. Shitty pop*, but it would be worth it for the nostalgia trip.


* -- Let the "pop" vs. "soda" debate commence

Oh, do I ever agree with that sentiment. Bad stuff to be sure, but at those prices, even back then, it was a deal.

The terms "soda", "pop" and "soda-pop" all seem to be applicable, dependent upon where you're from. Hell, enough people still refer to almost any type of 'cola' as a "Coke". I'm sure that just thrills the Pepsi folks.

Upon further review -- The Pop Shoppe was a canadian outfit...fuck them.

Yeah, tough to argue with 'dat. The only reason the newer 'shoppe' is worth a damn is the fact that they also stock a pretty damn impressive variety of specialy "soda-pops" from various regions of the country. The down side...those old school prices are a verruh distant memory.

[Cicatrix]

Upon further review -- The Pop Shoppe was a canadian outfit...fuck them.

And we tainted it with shit for years that caused you twats to vote Republican...so fuck you.

[Wolfman]

hey Luther--- you come back a couple days
ago and see what you have wrought ??
BTW-- funny tale--- would have been awesome
as a PET !!
anyways--you lit up this board for a bit--
feel the power ???

[Luther]

No photo essay thread available at this time, but I will let you see the main chick in the movie I saw this afternoon. I saw TRANSFORMERS and this gal was the main female actress. Ms. Megan Fox was living up to her name in that movie. Damn. I see Yahoo voters gave it a 8.3 . I dunno, I'd probably give it a 6. A lot of crashing, banging, and the sounds of twisting metal permeate the air. The sound effects on two occasions made me actually duck in my seat.

It seems as though Fester is on vacation, and has Tom in Va. been around? Months ago someone told me that both KC Paul and KC Kid got banned. Bwahahhaha. Paul was a very loyal Chiefs fan. I doubt he's ever had a post where he failed to put the CHIEFS in red.

Rip City

[Goober McTuber]

I never thought I'd see the day when Hy Colonic would elicit from any smacker a post like Rumple's surrender.

Well, I guess you're not all that fucking prescient, are you?