Surgery contest

trev · Post by **trev** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 2:47 am

I'm curious now. Name all the surgeries you've had since birth.

Age 5-eye surgery

Age 23- C-section

Anyone never had a surgery? I'm talking major surgery here.

I think the winner will be Jsc with Rog a close second.

Carson · Post by **Carson** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:06 am

8 - Eyes

32 - Back

38 - Sinuses

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 9:23 am

Age 28: Hernia

The end.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 10:19 am

I have stumbled through 52 laps around the sun without being cut into once, other than a lanced boil. Thanks for the jinx though. I am sure I will have open heart surgery next week.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 11:11 am

I've had docs put me under 4 times to drain fluid from my ears, 5 biopsies (3 for the same tumor 2 that were clean later on) and 2 cataract removals. Oh, and one particularly violent wisdom teeth extraction. So that makes 12.

Edit: I forgot my gall bladder removal. That is 13.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 11:37 am

What? This week?

--jsc

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 12:05 pm

Had a vasectomy in 1975 (snip-snip) and thought that would be it in my lifetime. Wrong. Ended up with open heart surgery last September. Bypass the main coronary artery which was 80% blocked and replaced my shot aortic valve with one from a pig (oink-oink). Still can't look at the scar on my chest. I was glued together-no staples or stitches outside. Will decline anything like that should it become an option again. BTW--I will be 76 next month.

R-Jack · Post by **R-Jack** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 1:04 pm

Oh, never mind. You meant cut open....not split open.

m2

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 2:23 pm

tonsils when I was 18-talk about a bitch surgery...for kids it's easy, if your over 16 not so much....went to lunch with a couple of buddies while the cuts were stiill healing....decided I'd have something that wouldn't be to tough on my throat so I ordered a chef salad....should have had them hold the cayenne pepper...

3 sinus surgeries for a deviated septum...I guess three surgeries for that is fairly common....

two shoulder surgeries, tore both labrums when I took a spill and put my arms in front to stop my fall.....

blown meniscus-shredded it playing golf, although I'd been working on a house for about two weeks prior with out any knee pads, so I'm sure that didn't help....

i had to have a catheter snaked up the vein in one of my arms to clear a blockage in the south right ventricle of my heart (yes, it was a heart attack) and they inserted two stints.....that was last may......

so what do I win?

Left Seater · Post by **Left Seater** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:09 pm

7 - Hernia (both sides)

10 - deviated septum

12 - Tonsils

17 - Broken arm required pins and a few screws

20 - Knee

The worst one of all was the damn deviated septum. Some time after the surgery the doc went all magician and slowly pulled this super long cotton gauze out of my nose. Dude thought he was funny with the damn magician shit. Instead it just hurt like hell.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Sat Apr 18, 2015 11:00 pm

Left Seater wrote:
The worst one of all was the damn deviated septum. Some time after the surgery the doc went all magician and slowly pulled this super long cotton gauze out of my nose. Dude thought he was funny with the damn magician shit. Instead it just hurt like hell.

my ent jammed this long plastic tube with holes in it to allow me to "breathe" through my nose while the septum surgery was healing.....I could breathe through my nose for about a half hour before the blood clogged it up so I was breathing through my mouth and that drove me crazy to the point where I called the doc and had him pull it out a day early.....when he pulled it out it looked like it was about the length of my ring finger (four inches)....I couldn't believe he got something that big up my nasal passages.....

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Apr 19, 2015 12:02 am

7 - tonsils

9 - appendix

17 - knee

56 - rotator cuff

58 - knee replacement

The State · Post by **The State** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 5:49 am

Papa Willie wrote:
mvscal wrote:What? This week?

--jsc
I'm not sure that there's enough available space on this board to handle Jsc's list. :)

Me - tonsils @ 6.

You left out... "that government subsidized lipo".. that got your weight down to 5 bills... as well as that black cock you got out of your throat.

Did Bacon, Ga... get below 50% poverty level ?

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 6:21 am

I just wanna know who paid for Mtool's lobotomy.
I knew somewhere there was a legit reason for Obamacare.

The State · Post by **The State** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 6:45 am

Y2K wrote:I just wanna know who paid for Mtool's lobotomy.
I knew somewhere there was a legit reason for Obamacare.

Poor people... "bitch about the President and blame him for their problems".

Rich people... enjoy the ride.

Another day in heaven...

A view of Mt. Tam and the Marin Headlands... from Twin Peaks in San Francisco

“I have observed that both optimists and pessimists seem to leave this world in the same way—but the optimists live better lives.”

—SHIMON PERES

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 2:43 pm

Tonsils - <10
Surgically repaired calf, including major skin grafts, result of car accident - 23
Left hip replacement - 56
Right hip replacement - 56
Brain Salad Surgery - 18

As a result of #2, very few people who are still walking can beat me in a "scar off."

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:40 pm

Rub some dirt on it, you fucking pussy.

atmdad · Post by **atmdad** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 4:08 pm

16 - Testicular Torsion

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 9:08 pm

5- tonsils
9- retinal retraction
26 - Artho on the knee
29- Retinal retraction again
30 - Vascetomy
33 - Hernia
44 - Knee replacement
54- Colon resection
54 - Thorasic drains installed
54- Thorasic drains removed

Probably looking at 2 more abdominal surgeries in the next 5 years, hernia repair and some more colon removal.

Still in pretty good shape for 57.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 9:23 pm

For someone who's allowed their lower sigmoid to be abused the way you have, yes, you're in great shape.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 9:55 pm

Derron wrote:5- tonsils
9- retinal retraction
26 - Artho on the knee
29- Retinal retraction again
30 - Vascetomy
33 - Hernia
44 - Knee replacement
54- Colon resection
54 - Thorasic drains installed
54- Thorasic drains removed

Probably looking at 2 more abdominal surgeries in the next 5 years, hernia repair and some more colon removal.

Still in pretty good shape for 57.

I'm hitting 60 in two weeks. Having my shoulder looked at tomorrow.

When I was in my 20s and wearing a hard hat I thought it was cool to see how many bundles of 1/2" conduit I could carry from the trailer to wherever we were working. Not so sure about that now.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:16 pm

Mikey wrote:

I'm hitting 60 in two weeks. Having my shoulder looked at tomorrow.

When I was in my 20s and wearing a hard hat I thought it was cool to see how many bundles of 1/2" conduit I could carry from the trailer to wherever we were working. Not so sure about that now.

That tally does not include the multiples of cortisone injections into knees and shoulders. Impact shocks and impingment shock from too long in the trades. Always prided myself on being able to pick up the tool belt anytime and make a living. Had second thoughts in my late 30's about that, reconfirmed those thoughts in my mid forties and wished I had paid the fuck attention to those thoughts better in my fifties.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:17 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:For someone who's allowed their lower sigmoid to be abused the way you have, yes, you're in great shape.

Still alive, and I can still fuck, fish and golf.

How about you ??

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:20 pm

Mikey wrote:

I'm hitting 60 in two weeks. Having my shoulder looked at tomorrow.

I did leave off my rotator cuff work at 44. Absolutely the most fucking painful surgery and rehab I have ever had.

I did learn how to play my fairway woods better after that cutting though.

Diego in Seattle · Post by **Diego in Seattle** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:01 pm

It's starting to sound like the next trollstop should be at the Mayo Clinic. :?

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:27 pm

Diego in Seattle wrote:It's starting to sound like the next trollstop should be at the Mayo Clinic. :?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:50 am

Derron wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:For someone who's allowed their lower sigmoid to be abused the way you have, yes, you're in great shape.
Still alive, and I can still fuck, fish and golf.

How about you ??

All of that, and my tailpipe is still intact.

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:05 am

Ummm.......

I had an ingrown toe nail once. That's about it.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:26 pm

You know, Roger, a lobotomy does count as a surgery.

missjo · Post by **missjo** » Wed Apr 22, 2015 1:28 pm

Hernia - 2
appendix - 13
Carpal Tunnel - 43

mamamustanger · Post by **mamamustanger** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:56 am

Carpal tunnel-40
Bone spur from foot-42
Endometrial ablation -44
Eye surgery-48
Epidural neuroplasty- 40
Angiogram with placement of cardiac loop electrode-48
Gall bladder- 50

Sure glad I made it out of my forties!

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:51 am

Consider yourself lucky. What you call your 40s, jsc calls, a good week.

If Obama really wants to put a dent in what the nation spends on health care, he'd just re-direct the next drone strike to chip's house.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:55 am

Jsc810 wrote:I am not ignoring this thread, but my reply is taking awhile to finish. It is my hope that y'all do not make the same mistakes that I have made.

Just post a link to the tera bit server you have everything filed on.

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:20 pm

Never, ever, ever, never, EVER, NEVER!!! let an Orthopedist operate on your spine. Neurologist only.

Just my VERY educated opinion. Oh, and I had all that done already Chip. Fun, huh?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:32 pm

I'm almost 48, and my surgery total stands at... zero.

I've had more stitches for wounds than I can count, have had all kinds of back problems, severely dislocated SI (hip... I recommend against), a severe liver disease, collapsed one side of my ribcage (still won that bar fight though), and have broken every toe except the big ones multiple times...

But never any surgery.

Chip -- digital X-rays are cool, eh? I've done quite a bit of work setting the systems up in dental offices.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:05 pm

Circumcision 4days old
Syst in neck removed 10 yrs old

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:06 pm

OK, if we count foreskin removal, I'm in.

Sup, Trev.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:09 pm

Using scalpel = surgery
At least in my personal book of medical terms.

trev · Post by **trev** » Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:24 am

Holy Cannoli, Jsc.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Apr 25, 2015 11:42 am

I can see it now....JSC being rolled down the hallway, frantic docs all yelling at each other.

Doc 1- Fukkkk. Fuk, fuk fuk. Chip, hold in there buddy.

Doc 2- Get the OR ready, RIGHT FUKKING NOW!!!!!!

Doc 1- Fred, don't you fukking lose him. I still have 2 kids to put through college

Doc 2 - Don't worry bro. He isn't going anywhere till my beach house is paid for!